Tuesday 23 June 2015

Festival Blues

Anyone whos camped at a festival for a few days will understand my pain right now. After my first ever festival followed by two more in a row I'm extremely stuck in a rot and struggling to get back to normality. You're living with the same people for five days straight, waking up to them, having dinner with them and basically spending every minute with them and then suddenly bam your home and more than likely never going to see them again. Worse with me was I was working at all the festivals and volunteers had our own campsite so we were even more of a tight nit group. I've never bonded with people so quickly and felt like we've known each other all our lives like this before and I genuinely feel like were more of a family as volunteers stick together and it doesn't matter who you know you're part of the crew. I loved the feeling of being welcomed without a second thought, growing up always being the outsider to being welcomed into a group of mates who've known each other since playschool or starting a new group with all the people who came on their own is so incredible and a feeling I will never forget.
Leaving these people behind and going back to normal life, even just being in a bed with an actual pillow is hard to come to terms with and I've literally spent two days wandering around my house wondering where my mates that I've just spent five days sleeping next to are gone, why the person in the mirror does not look like me and why I've never appreciated food before.

To quote all the teenage girls out there my only words after a festival are.. 'I can't even'

Sea Sessions 2015

I don't even know where to start with this post, it was all such a blur but one amazing blur. Five days in a run down beach town camping in a carpark with 70 odd volunteers had to be another amazing weekend on my third festival this Summer.
I went with my future (hopefully) sister in law Kerry-Ann to this festival and arrived thursday and were completely lost from the start, for such a deserted place this town was hard to make its way around but finally as the night got on all the volunteers started to come. We had a tour of the festival and then we all grouped together in this big old circle playing drinking games and getting to know each other. It was like we'd known each other from the start again.
To be honest right now I can't tell one day from the next I'm really struggling to remember the order things happened in because I didn't sleep the entire weekend until the last night. From the get go our neighbour Frankie's tent was banjaxed so we adopted him into our big old tent and then our tent kinda became the refugee tent with everyone kipping in it. I really struggle to sleep in tents and at festivals so I just rather stay up and that's what I did, until about 7am when I really wanted to sleep and along comes the Lurgan boys after jumping in the sea sopping wet and up for a laugh.. also they cracked out the banjo and alan pipes right beside my head so there wasn't much chance of sleeping.
Right so from here on I'm going to just throw out what I can actually remember because this is a struggle to how each day actually passed
We had our first shift at 4pm Friday and were on campsite duty which was meant to be checking wristbands but I got pulled into security to help out searching bags, which was awful. I struggled through half asleep but got to 8pm in the end. We just about got back to change, have some pre drinks, meet Tamra and Little Lewis and head down to the festival before Example was on. Now there was a good few acts I actually wanted to see at Sea Sessions and Example was one of them.. turns out he was also the only one I actually got to see. He was absolutely class and we had a great night raving to him. We headed back to the campsite and most people wanted to sleep but a good bunch of us headed into the main campsite to see if there was any fun. I kinda became part of the Lurgan boys group because they spent most nights in our tent and me in there's. I've never met lads like them they were so unbelievably nice, like they were off the faces yet they still looked out for each other and made sure everyone was there (tbh I don't know how they even could ring each other when they hardly knew how to stand) so when I became ill I couldn't get over that they were the ones to look after me. I swear it was the dodgy food not drink but I could not even stand without throwing up.. I'll spare you the details but anyway they picked me up (quite literally) and kept me witht them, one of them handed me water and it was the pick me up I needed. Volunteers kind of created an area in the middle of the campsite and we got all the music going and had a laugh. As it started to come unbelievably cold we headed back to our camp and into Pringles (real surname) tent which wasn't much better to be honest as me and Pringles tried to get warm in a saturated sleeping bag. About 4am I hoped into Pablo's (real name Kyle) tent and it was amazing to be in dry warm tent.
Unfortunately I was on the 9am shift and just about dragged myself up to the campsite entrance where I had to scan tickets. Luckily for us it was too early for people to be arriving so we didn't have much work to do and the brilliant Apple, Lemon and Strawberry heads had music to keep us going till 12pm. It was so amazing to be done at 12 we didn't know what to do with ourselves. We headed down for dinner and picked up a good bunch of fellow volunteers, Tamara, Little Lewis, Ciara, Matthew, Dean, and. William/Paul on the way so there was a nice crowd of us in a lovely little restaurant where I had the best 3 minute sleep across the table. We headed back to the campsite after as the sun came out and it was just amazing to lie and dry off. The Lurgan boys arrived and decided to go to the beach so we headed with them. Now it wasn't amazing but it was a change from the campsite. But it was so freaking cold it wasn't worth it. We sat down on this tiny blanket watching nutcases play drinking games until we decided it was too cold and headed back to camp. Everyone else had to go on there shift at 8pm so I stuck around with the Lurgan Boys and we headed into the festival. I really can't dance to music I don't know and the sheer tiredness was getting to me but I stuck in there until everyone came off the 8pm shift at 12pm and found us. The thing about being quite small at festivals is everyone picks you up and I was greeted many of times by people just picking me up and shaking me. Stupidly I said Meghan being on someones shoulders looked like fun and without a second thought William/Paul whipped me up on his back. It was going great, Tamara had me from falling but dang William/Paul wouldn't let go off my legs and wanted me to get higher then all of a sudden he kind of just throws me across a bunch of people to the ground. My hip took the whole force but apparently I landed on my head too as I stayed on the ground trying to figure out what the heck happened. Praise the lord who ever picked me up cause I could have just stayed there. We stayed there until the music went off and the lights came on, then we made the cold trek back to our tent. I don't even know who was in our tent that night but my god we had a laugh. William/Paul has to be one of the funniest Drunks I've ever seen. We were literally sardines in a tin and it didn't matter that I was the smallest there wasn't even room for me so I bunked in with Pablo/Kyle again much to the poor fellas delight, he was sound asleep with his back to me for the night.  Again I didn't sleep but as it got brighter people started to get up and Pablo/Kyle headed off and let me stay in his tent until about 1pm when I head the others in my tent getting up and felt about ready to manage to get up myself. We headed straight for the shops to get food and then back to the tents to get ready for our shift at 4pm. We managed to pick up a pizza on the way thanks to the lovely waitress who wasn't open till 4 but we said we were working so she got us in. Staff privileges at this festival were amazing like places in town where even letting us in.
Stupidly we didn't even think that this shift was at the entrance to the festival which was on the beach and we were not prepared for the cold. There was about 12 of us on the same place too so we pretty much didn't do anything only huddle trying to keep warm. 8pm could not have come any slower and I was out of there like a shot, much to my amazement this lovely girl on her way in gave me her drink  as she just opened it and couldn't bring glass in and oh did it warm me up nicely. It wasn't till we were half way to the camp that we realised how warm it was away from the sea but I still put on every bit of my clothes I had with me ready to head back into the festival.  We all really wanted to see the Riptide Movement but at this stage there was all of the Lurgan Boys, Frankie and Kerry, Kai and his mates and well pretty much all the volunteers who weren't working grouped together and making our way to the festival but by that time there was just Breen, Micky and Me. We spent most of that night all trying to find each other until finally we went to the VIP section which became the volunteer hang out. It was the last night and people did want to go mental but we were all so wrecked as well and we had this blow up couch which was the first seat in days and was so unbelievably comfy that me Micky and Ciara just chilled on that for the night, Eventually as the music went off again we headed back to the campsite through town again losing everyone. Those staff privileges certainly came in handy as I needed the loo and wasn't allowed into the pub until they seen I had a staff wristband then finally we made our way to our tent. This was my first night in my own tent and I couldn't get over how comfy it was for a change to be just me Micky, Kerry and Ciara. We just chilled and got warm as we were all so wrecked we didn't feel like going out in the cold and we didn't miss to much as most people were the same.  We did however get up for a toilet break, end up in a really nice caravan, have drinks with the Lurgan boys and then eventually it was Kerry, Mikey, Me, Pringles and Ciara in our tent for the night. I was not in the mood to get up that morning though as the tent was so warm but everyone was so wrecked we just wanted to go home. I went around delivering peoples stuff back who had stayed in our tent and had to go in search of Frankie to get his stuff and I've never had such a good laugh in my life. I went up to a group of lads my sheer accident to see if they even knew Frankie and they just said so causally he was 'in the tent over there'. I could not believe my eyes that the poor fella was in the tent I had passed many of times thinking there couldn't be anybody in because it was upside down against the fence. Opening that tent and looking down at Frankie in the corner had to be the highlight of the weekend and kind of summed up how we all felt that morning.
I was actually so gutted to be leaving and really upset to be saying goodbye to the people especially the Lurgan boys as they had welcomed me into the group so much. I get attracted to people and hate goodbyes but to be in the warm car heading for a shower, a pot noodle and then passing out for nine hours was sweet relief.
Again this was another amazing festival and one weekend I will never forget. The people made this festival for me and I do honestly hope we will meet again.
































Wednesday 17 June 2015

Loving Life

You do hear a lot of stories about 'oh this time last year it was totally different'.. for me it really was and because of where I'm right now thinking back on this time last year seems like a world away.
I've never told anyone my story, my family and some friends know what went on but most people don't understand and to be honest it wasn't that I was ashamed but I just didn't want to tell anyone.
In 2012 I lost three members of my family, my Nanny, Auntie and Grandad. I'd never lost someone before, I'd never been around death and to have it with people like my Nan who I talked to everyday to suddenly not see again hit me hard.
It started slowly then all at once (bonus points for the TFIOS quote?). At first I picked and choosed classes to go into, then I picked days.. eventually I stopped going to school altogether. Obviously this was over a period of time but that's the thing even writing this now I was in such a state for such a long time its hard to remember the small details.
But the main reason I'm writing this post is because I want to remember the things I have achieved since then and whats yet to come. People might not understand how going on train, meeting friends at the cinema or even going to the local shop can be a huge accomplishment for me but for it to happen now without a second thought is something that still amazes me.
It's not till you start to suffer with anxiety that you realize actually how many people are in the same boat as you. A lot of people have the same struggles and do actually understand how hard the simple things are. It goes to show you might pass someone in the street who is smiling from ear to ear but who is actually shaking like a leaf under it all.

I can't get over the things I've done in this year, this Gap Year which I thought would give me a break before college but has turned me into the person I am today, the person who is happy, who is looking forward to all the adventures yet to come and who is going out there and grabbing all the chances I can get instead of saying 'one day'.. that day is now.

'Dream as if you're going to live forever, Live as if it's your last day' 

Sunday 14 June 2015

Bhakti Fest of Hope

Through volunteering in the charity shop I got involved in the festival which happens once every two years in aid of the Hope Foundation. Now because this was only 15 minutes from my home I had in mind that I could run home if I needed anything and also it was really the kind of mad festival I was expected.. but as quiet as it was the nights were mad.

The first day was very chill despite a lot of work been left to do before it kicked off in the evening. Basically all weekend I was the gofer and sent running for whatever anybody needed. I didn't mind though because I liked been kept busy. Unfortunately my first official shift was at 8pm right when the acts when kicking off, but to be honest I didn't know how Dom Baker (anyone??) the headliner was, so I wasn't too pushed. I really enjoyed by shift as again I got friends with the people I worked with and got to chat with and have fun with all the people coming and going. Finally when 12pm hit we were off duty and could go into the fun, although we only caught the last song we joined the younger party goers in the chill out zone where we stayed till 3pm with a local singer Shane playing us tunes on his guitar until we called it a night.

Next morning I was up at the crack of dawn because I couldn't stay in that cocoon of heat any longer.. our tent being tiny and black attracted all the heat. I wasn't officially on duty until 12am but decided to do my friends shift at 7am because I was wide awake and raring to go, and also because it was sitting at the ticket desk which wouldn't be too busy except for the unexpected amount of people up for morning yoga. After a nice morning chatting with everyone and also a delish pancake (yes I say panCAKE because we only got one #sadface ) from the volunteer tent it was time for my actually shift, and I was not a happy bunny as I was stuck at a gate making sure no one came through it. Finally though my friend woke from her slumber and I got her to take over from me and I did the one thing I was dying to do all the day from the moment I heard about it.. dress as a fox.
There randomly was a fox and a bubble bee outfits and I jumped at the chance to be one of them when the organiser asked, and boy was I glad I did. I'm telling you it had to be one of the most funniest things I've done in my life. The sheer joy on the kids faces was one huge benefit but also bringing so many smiles to peoples faces by something so small and also of course getting to get away with anything because hey I was a fox. It was unbelievably so much fun having the kids running up to us for hugs. Our organiser came up and decided to leave us into town to get more people out to the festival and my gosh it was just brilliant although we didn't go that prepared. as they do, foxes don't have pockets so we hadn't any water or even our phones with us, so a bumble bee and a fox who couldn't see that well with know one to guide them went on a little adventure. We had traffic jams with people stopping to take pictures with us, kids waving to us, getting selfies with people in cars as they pass by and don't even get me started on all the hens and stags coming for fox hugs and pictures. We decided to then walk the streets of town going into pubs, shops even hairdressers just because the more excited people we met the more we wanted to do it. It was so unexpected for people to see a fox and a bumble bee strolling round town. It was also a great feeling for people to not know me (because of the giant fox head) it gave me this weird I-can-do-anything feeling and I'd randomly high five people, go into shops just to see their faces, heck I skipped down the streets of my local town in a fox outfit and it was the best experience ever.
By the time we got picked up though we were delighted as it was sooo hot in those dang suits but had to be the best thing I'd done all weekend. However to everyone's great amusement the girl's car I had left my clothes in had gone home for awhile so I was stuck in the dang fox suit the rest of the day. I was so hungry I didn't even care what I ate at this stage and was so dying with the heat I went marching off in this suit with a cup of soup in one hand and a cheese sandwhich in the other, it was some sight.
After eventually getting changed we met friends and being off for the rest of the day we chilled out and had some fun.  I hung around with Becky a fellow volunteer who is now my bestie and as the night went on we started to become seriously hungry and god sent an angel that night in the means of Becky's sister who brought us into the village to the chipper. I'm pretty sure we scared the more chipper man with how much  food we wanted and the state we were in, the other customers were cracking up. After proper pigging out in the car (seriously I've never ate a whole pizza in my life but boy did I that night) we headed back to the festival to once again find we missed all the acts but we were there for the fun bit which was we all gathered the hale bays (seats) and brought them under one of the tents and sat in the dark getting to know everyone and once again Shane played some tunes. Again another late night went on until it got so cold we all went our separate ways and I went to my old school friends Tilly's teepee with a group of friends where we spent the night.. no sleep involved.
It was a great night but I was in no fit state the next morning.. I get seriously grumpy when I don't sleep and the second I appeared out of the tent I was asked to do jobs although I wasn't meant to be working till 2pm. Lack of sleep and the now immense 22C heat equals a grumpy Tracy and I packed up and headed for home where I no lie here, slept for two days.. I'm still trying to come to terms with what day it is. All in all it was a good festival, although it was more of a family fun kind of thing I met old school friends, met some new ones too and hey staying out under the stars on hale bales while someone plays guitar has to be one ticked off the bucket list.















Sunday 7 June 2015

Bargain Beauty Buys

On my recent trip to England I couldn't believe the bargains I picked up on makeup products. It's a good thing I only had minimal room in my case on the way back or I'd be in dept by now.


First up is this amazing Technic 2 in 1 colour fix powder and foundation compact. Now if they name didn't describe it enough its basically a supper handy compact powder and foundation set with a mirror also. I was looking for a perfect powder and the fact that you get both with this was perfect. I picked this up for £2.79
















 I fell in love with this Technic eye shimmer sticks the minute I seen them and it was extremely hard to choose between all the great colours. I went for neon blue and deep purple my two favourite colours. The thing I love most about these is the fact that there soo unbelievably easy to use, a simple stroke with one of this across your lid and it looks like you spent ages on eye shadow.
I got these for 85p each.


When I seen this amazing Body Collection highlighting bronzer I thought it was pure genius. I'm not good a bronzer at the best of times and when I seen there was this easy to apply liquid version I knew it was for me. I picked this up for £1.47
















I saw this incredible Body collection eye shadow palette then luckily enough came across a broken one that was reduced to £3.45 which was incredible because all that was wrong was the pin on the lid. I absolutely love the colours on this palette there so deep and eye catching and its every colour you could possibly need.
 


This deep dark Technic ColourMax lipstick is by far my favourite thing I picked up. I really love red lipstick but it totally doesn't suit me. However dark colours seem to be okay and this shade was absolutely perfect. as you can see from the picture I started using it straight away. I got this for 85p.