Wednesday, 17 June 2015

Loving Life

You do hear a lot of stories about 'oh this time last year it was totally different'.. for me it really was and because of where I'm right now thinking back on this time last year seems like a world away.
I've never told anyone my story, my family and some friends know what went on but most people don't understand and to be honest it wasn't that I was ashamed but I just didn't want to tell anyone.
In 2012 I lost three members of my family, my Nanny, Auntie and Grandad. I'd never lost someone before, I'd never been around death and to have it with people like my Nan who I talked to everyday to suddenly not see again hit me hard.
It started slowly then all at once (bonus points for the TFIOS quote?). At first I picked and choosed classes to go into, then I picked days.. eventually I stopped going to school altogether. Obviously this was over a period of time but that's the thing even writing this now I was in such a state for such a long time its hard to remember the small details.
But the main reason I'm writing this post is because I want to remember the things I have achieved since then and whats yet to come. People might not understand how going on train, meeting friends at the cinema or even going to the local shop can be a huge accomplishment for me but for it to happen now without a second thought is something that still amazes me.
It's not till you start to suffer with anxiety that you realize actually how many people are in the same boat as you. A lot of people have the same struggles and do actually understand how hard the simple things are. It goes to show you might pass someone in the street who is smiling from ear to ear but who is actually shaking like a leaf under it all.

I can't get over the things I've done in this year, this Gap Year which I thought would give me a break before college but has turned me into the person I am today, the person who is happy, who is looking forward to all the adventures yet to come and who is going out there and grabbing all the chances I can get instead of saying 'one day'.. that day is now.

'Dream as if you're going to live forever, Live as if it's your last day' 

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