Loving Life

You do hear a lot of stories about 'oh this time last year it was totally different'.. for me it really was and because of where I'm right now thinking back on this time last year seems like a world away.
I've never told anyone my story, my family and some friends know what went on but most people don't understand and to be honest it wasn't that I was ashamed but I just didn't want to tell anyone.
In 2012 I lost three members of my family, my Nanny, Auntie and Grandad. I'd never lost someone before, I'd never been around death and to have it with people like my Nan who I talked to everyday to suddenly not see again hit me hard.
It started slowly then all at once (bonus points for the TFIOS quote?). At first I picked and choosed classes to go into, then I picked days.. eventually I stopped going to school altogether. Obviously this was over a period of time but that's the thing even writing this now I was in such a state for such a long time its hard to remember the small details.
But the main reason I'm writing this post is because I want to remember the things I have achieved since then and whats yet to come. People might not understand how going on train, meeting friends at the cinema or even going to the local shop can be a huge accomplishment for me but for it to happen now without a second thought is something that still amazes me.
It's not till you start to suffer with anxiety that you realize actually how many people are in the same boat as you. A lot of people have the same struggles and do actually understand how hard the simple things are. It goes to show you might pass someone in the street who is smiling from ear to ear but who is actually shaking like a leaf under it all.

I can't get over the things I've done in this year, this Gap Year which I thought would give me a break before college but has turned me into the person I am today, the person who is happy, who is looking forward to all the adventures yet to come and who is going out there and grabbing all the chances I can get instead of saying 'one day'.. that day is now.

'Dream as if you're going to live forever, Live as if it's your last day' 

Bhakti Fest of Hope

Through volunteering in the charity shop I got involved in the festival which happens once every two years in aid of the Hope Foundation. Now because this was only 15 minutes from my home I had in mind that I could run home if I needed anything and also it was really the kind of mad festival I was expected.. but as quiet as it was the nights were mad.

The first day was very chill despite a lot of work been left to do before it kicked off in the evening. Basically all weekend I was the gofer and sent running for whatever anybody needed. I didn't mind though because I liked been kept busy. Unfortunately my first official shift was at 8pm right when the acts when kicking off, but to be honest I didn't know how Dom Baker (anyone??) the headliner was, so I wasn't too pushed. I really enjoyed by shift as again I got friends with the people I worked with and got to chat with and have fun with all the people coming and going. Finally when 12pm hit we were off duty and could go into the fun, although we only caught the last song we joined the younger party goers in the chill out zone where we stayed till 3pm with a local singer Shane playing us tunes on his guitar until we called it a night.

Next morning I was up at the crack of dawn because I couldn't stay in that cocoon of heat any longer.. our tent being tiny and black attracted all the heat. I wasn't officially on duty until 12am but decided to do my friends shift at 7am because I was wide awake and raring to go, and also because it was sitting at the ticket desk which wouldn't be too busy except for the unexpected amount of people up for morning yoga. After a nice morning chatting with everyone and also a delish pancake (yes I say panCAKE because we only got one #sadface ) from the volunteer tent it was time for my actually shift, and I was not a happy bunny as I was stuck at a gate making sure no one came through it. Finally though my friend woke from her slumber and I got her to take over from me and I did the one thing I was dying to do all the day from the moment I heard about it.. dress as a fox.
There randomly was a fox and a bubble bee outfits and I jumped at the chance to be one of them when the organiser asked, and boy was I glad I did. I'm telling you it had to be one of the most funniest things I've done in my life. The sheer joy on the kids faces was one huge benefit but also bringing so many smiles to peoples faces by something so small and also of course getting to get away with anything because hey I was a fox. It was unbelievably so much fun having the kids running up to us for hugs. Our organiser came up and decided to leave us into town to get more people out to the festival and my gosh it was just brilliant although we didn't go that prepared. as they do, foxes don't have pockets so we hadn't any water or even our phones with us, so a bumble bee and a fox who couldn't see that well with know one to guide them went on a little adventure. We had traffic jams with people stopping to take pictures with us, kids waving to us, getting selfies with people in cars as they pass by and don't even get me started on all the hens and stags coming for fox hugs and pictures. We decided to then walk the streets of town going into pubs, shops even hairdressers just because the more excited people we met the more we wanted to do it. It was so unexpected for people to see a fox and a bumble bee strolling round town. It was also a great feeling for people to not know me (because of the giant fox head) it gave me this weird I-can-do-anything feeling and I'd randomly high five people, go into shops just to see their faces, heck I skipped down the streets of my local town in a fox outfit and it was the best experience ever.
By the time we got picked up though we were delighted as it was sooo hot in those dang suits but had to be the best thing I'd done all weekend. However to everyone's great amusement the girl's car I had left my clothes in had gone home for awhile so I was stuck in the dang fox suit the rest of the day. I was so hungry I didn't even care what I ate at this stage and was so dying with the heat I went marching off in this suit with a cup of soup in one hand and a cheese sandwhich in the other, it was some sight.
After eventually getting changed we met friends and being off for the rest of the day we chilled out and had some fun.  I hung around with Becky a fellow volunteer who is now my bestie and as the night went on we started to become seriously hungry and god sent an angel that night in the means of Becky's sister who brought us into the village to the chipper. I'm pretty sure we scared the more chipper man with how much  food we wanted and the state we were in, the other customers were cracking up. After proper pigging out in the car (seriously I've never ate a whole pizza in my life but boy did I that night) we headed back to the festival to once again find we missed all the acts but we were there for the fun bit which was we all gathered the hale bays (seats) and brought them under one of the tents and sat in the dark getting to know everyone and once again Shane played some tunes. Again another late night went on until it got so cold we all went our separate ways and I went to my old school friends Tilly's teepee with a group of friends where we spent the night.. no sleep involved.
It was a great night but I was in no fit state the next morning.. I get seriously grumpy when I don't sleep and the second I appeared out of the tent I was asked to do jobs although I wasn't meant to be working till 2pm. Lack of sleep and the now immense 22C heat equals a grumpy Tracy and I packed up and headed for home where I no lie here, slept for two days.. I'm still trying to come to terms with what day it is. All in all it was a good festival, although it was more of a family fun kind of thing I met old school friends, met some new ones too and hey staying out under the stars on hale bales while someone plays guitar has to be one ticked off the bucket list.

Bargain Beauty Buys

On my recent trip to England I couldn't believe the bargains I picked up on makeup products. It's a good thing I only had minimal room in my case on the way back or I'd be in dept by now.

First up is this amazing Technic 2 in 1 colour fix powder and foundation compact. Now if they name didn't describe it enough its basically a supper handy compact powder and foundation set with a mirror also. I was looking for a perfect powder and the fact that you get both with this was perfect. I picked this up for £2.79

 I fell in love with this Technic eye shimmer sticks the minute I seen them and it was extremely hard to choose between all the great colours. I went for neon blue and deep purple my two favourite colours. The thing I love most about these is the fact that there soo unbelievably easy to use, a simple stroke with one of this across your lid and it looks like you spent ages on eye shadow.
I got these for 85p each.

When I seen this amazing Body Collection highlighting bronzer I thought it was pure genius. I'm not good a bronzer at the best of times and when I seen there was this easy to apply liquid version I knew it was for me. I picked this up for £1.47

I saw this incredible Body collection eye shadow palette then luckily enough came across a broken one that was reduced to £3.45 which was incredible because all that was wrong was the pin on the lid. I absolutely love the colours on this palette there so deep and eye catching and its every colour you could possibly need.

 


This deep dark Technic ColourMax lipstick is by far my favourite thing I picked up. I really love red lipstick but it totally doesn't suit me. However dark colours seem to be okay and this shade was absolutely perfect. as you can see from the picture I started using it straight away. I got this for 85p.